Tag Archives: pain

God’s window

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In this past week I was involved in quite a few conversations and scenarios where the idea of “doubt” came up: What is it? What does it do? Is it good or bad? (etc. etc. etc., as the good king would say :D) And you, knowing me by now, should know that these situations and conversations got me a’thinkin. This is how far I’ve gotten; maybe you can comment and take us all a little further?

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Khalil Gibran

I have always been one to ask questions – from the obvious to the awkward – which means I have always asked questions of my faith as well. In studying theology I found a certain freedom – finally it wasn’t frowned upon to ask questions! In fact, it was encouraged. But in this process of letting go, of going farther and asking more than I had ever imagined, I lost something. Something precious, something that I only realised the worth of a few years later – I lost faith…I lost the capability to know when to let go. I got lost in the pain and the uncertainty of doubt, arrogantly thinking I had finally gotten to where everyone should be journeying. When in fact all I had become was hollow. It was in this time that God graciously introduced Himself to me again – through the faith of others, through their lives and their stories. I was confronted with a freedom I did not know anymore, for I had chosen to become confined within my own small mind and the things that mind could think of and could handle. I thought I had found the answers, because they were answers I could work out; when, in fact, I had only lost the capability to venture outside of myself. I had gotten stuck. Luckily, I got “pulled out” again before there was no turning back. But from then on the debate has raged within and around me – for “doubt” as such is not a bad thing. It makes sure we do not become complacent. Become petrified in our ways.

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.” ― René Descartes “There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom” – Ancient proverb

Doubt can be exactly the window God needs to be able to settle Himself in our souls – it very often is. And doubt can make sure that we are still in relationship with the real God, not our imagined or accepted picture of Him. So when does doubt become negative? When does it scoop all meaning out of our thoughts and our lives? When there is nothing left but doubt and cynicism. When all we do is question and doubt and fear. For then we have nothing to live for, nothing to drive us, nothing to strive towards. All we have is emptiness and trying to live through it.

Faith in doubt

Every mental act is composed of doubt and belief, but it is belief that is the positive, it is belief that sustains thought and holds the world together.” ― Søren Kierkegaard ” “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

May there always be enough doubt in our lives to keep us honest and our minds and hearts clear. But may there (also) always be a little faith in our doubt, enough faith to make the doubt an instrument, not the end. And may God, the true Source of all doubt and faith, keep watch over us all in our journey on this balancing act called life.


The shape of me

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Vive la différence!

One of my first assignments as a newbie at 13.tv was to create an inspirational art piece on the beauty of suffering. Some of the first things that came to mind were images of a glassblower with his glass, or a potter with his/her clay – an idea that became the centre of our video. Thursday night Flaps made use of our video clip as an introduction to his #Reverb session, with the clip serving as an idea booster. We had to think about the potter and the clay, about ourselves as the clay with God as the Potter, and then write down ten statements. It was both a humbling and an inspiring process to look at and talk about each other’s statements – serving as a reminder of who we are, Who we belong to, and what our lives are meant to be. And so I decided to share my ten statements with you…maybe it can be the reminder you need…or maybe this is the good news you have yet to hear…

I belong to the Potter.

I cannot see what I will become; I have to trust the Potter for the end result.

Even the simplest of clay items are made because they are needed, because they make an impact/difference.

The forming process takes a lot of work…may sometimes mean almost restarting.

The work is never really finished, there are always more things to do or add…but the result of this tweaking process is always better and more beautiful…more meaningful.

This tweaking process, this becoming more, is almost always equal to more kneading (discomfort) and baking (pain).

My cracks remind me of God’s grace.

My cracks are what make me unique and beautiful, but only if I am filled to the brim with God’s Spirit, making it impossible for Him not to shine through every sliver and cranny.

Being the clay means that there is no other position than vulnerable and completely exposed before the Potter. The clay cannot become anything other than another lump without the Potter. The trick is to live into daily acceptance of that fact…and finding peace.

I can trust the Potter completely – the Potter never starts something He has not dreamt about, never begins working on a lump of clay He hasn’t envisioned a purpose for. His efforts with me equal my meaning.

A joyful noise..."If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us." (2 Cor 4:7)